I sure hope the basketball games get broadcast in Heaven! Brad would have loved to be sitting here in his chair watching and cheering on his Bears! I get to take my “city” kids to Baylor on a field trip in May. I know….all day long on a bus with 22 5th graders….yikes! But…how fun will this be even if we don’t win. The excitment on campus should be pretty high still! I want to buy them t-shirts with something on them that say my teacher went to Baylor and here I am or something. Any Alumni or friend want to sponsor a t-shirt for a kid?? $10 donation will buy 2!!!!
March 27th, 2010 at 06:52am
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The last day of spring break had snow! Yes…I am writing this from sunny Texas, but we actually had snow last night. Big pretty flakes that covered the ground. The streets were fine since most of the week it had been around 75 degrees!! Didn’t get my list of chores done but I have summer coming in 10 weeks so I can keep going on the list. Nothing too exciting happened other than my neighbors $700 exotic parrot escaped into my backyard and the ensuing trapping was quite entertaining with ladders, food, nets, all sorts of concocted poles taped with duct tape. Sad that this was the most entertainment I had!! Kitchen is STILL not done. Now I would say it is 98% done. But the back room is looking really good. The backyard work starts in one week. I am ready for the deck. With all the rain, Dixie is laying in mud and when the deck is in she will at least be on the wood and not tracking in the dirt and mud! Not much else to say.
March 21st, 2010 at 05:41pm
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I don’t have my office area set up like I used to with all the renovation so it seems that my time on the computer is spent just doing business and not blogging. It will get back to normal soon since my kitchen is about 92% done. Yes…I am exact because last week I thought it was 90% done and just a little got done this week since my handy man had to get himself married last weekend!!!
Things are going ok. More lonely than they were back in November and December which seems a little strange to me. I am ready for the warmer weather so I can spend time working on the yard and flowerbeds. That will help. Katie is ready to move out and I am ok with that too. It is time for her to get her life back instead of living mine which I might add is pretty boring. Sorry for the down report but things aren’t really as bad as they seem when I type them. Just trying to find my way without my big strong Bradley is proving to be a little scary and lonely. Even when he was sick, I still knew I could talk to him about the things going on and he would give advice. How many times did I not like his advice? Too many…now I would love to have some. Or just even a “hey..how was your day?” Enjoy those seemlingly mindless conversations with your spouse because when you don’t have them you will miss them.
Maybe next time I can report my kitchen is 98% done….too much to ask for a 100% right now!
February 28th, 2010 at 08:49pm
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For someone who never cooks, I am surprised at how exciting a kitchen redo is! I have even found myself staring down into my new granite thinking man…this means I need to learn how to cook! Then I wake up and realize naaaaa….I can just eat out forever. Then my kitchen will look like a showplace all the time.
It is amazing how many times you need to use the kitchen sink and you don’t realize it until you don’t have one. That was probably my biggest sacrifice during this redo. I use that thing alot and never think about it. When it is all said and done I will post a few pics if I can figure that out!
Nothing much else to report. Things are great at school. I love my class. There are some talkers but they can get quiet and they aren’t hoodlums which is a real bonus!!! I get lots of positives from my kids which makes me really enjoy going to work. (oh..besides my friends that are there) Now…when I found out that I could retire in 4 years that made each day even more pleasant. I don’t know what I would do with myself but it might be fun to try out something new or just live in a different country and state each month. Who knows????
February 5th, 2010 at 05:19pm
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Katie and I have decided 2010 is the year for us to get in shape. She went today and got the Wi Fit board and games, plus the Biggest Loser game for us to try. Once we got it going, we had to put all of our stats in and let the board “examine” us. Katie is in much better shape than dear old mom. The coolest thing is that Brad was there with us! Last year we bought him the Wii to rehab in the hospital and to give him something to do at the trailer on those long boring days of recovery. Since we came back to Irving in March the Wii never got plugged in. I don’t know why just too tired to play or maybe it had bad associations or something, but Katie hooked it up today. When we turned it on there were our little Mii’s we made last year. During all of the workouts the little Mii’s are there cheering you on. I was riding the bike and low and behold there was Brad’s mii standing right in front of me cheering me on. Katie was doing a step aerobics class and Brad was the mii right beside her. That made it even more fun to look for daddy as we played these games. And boy…they do hurt! I am tired but was so motivated to see Brad that I kept going. Maybe this is just what we need.
Geeezzz…school starts in one day. Let’s see….hmmm..nope didn’t get everything done. Oh well…it will get done and when I look at all we DID do we did a lot. My kitchen redo starts on Monday so it will be eating out for Miss Katie and me for the week. Darn!!! When we get the house done we will have a little partay at the Williams’.!!! It doesn’t seem like Brad’s been gone as long as he has and then again it seems like a lifetime that I have lived already without him. We have made it through every big day without too much drama or tears. Now the next thing to come will be Valentine’s day. It makes me laugh though becasue last year Brad was still in Houston and I was back here teaching. He was pretty good about sending me flowers to school and even better when we started working at the same school. Trying to show off you know! Last year he sent me this HUGE flower arrangement that couldn’t even be carried down the hall. It looked like a funeral arrangement!! This was his way to tell me there was no way to pay me back for all that I had gone through with him. He said that on the card. I wonder if he can get on line in heaven to order this year’s flowers. Man…that would slightly freak me out!! I don’t mind working out with him but flower delivery from heaven…hmmm..that’s a little too much!!
January 3rd, 2010 at 12:19am
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I feel so badly when I look at the counter and see that faithfully there are different computers logging into the blog to see the updates. I cannot seem to find the time to let you know how life goes here in the Williams house! We have made it through all of the first major important dates that some people struggle with during the first year of their loved one’s passing. Typical Brad fashion says “Get it over with and done.” “Don’t waste time on being sad.” “Move on.” If you didn’t know him, he was pretty much just like that. Just get over it. So Katie and I had a few small moments but mostly have great memories to carry us through. We have had the chance to have lots of good talks and feel really ok with the way things had to happen. Part of this relief came from the dentist who pulled all four of Katie’s wisdom teeth out just hours before her father died. She had the benefit of major drugs to get her through the worst days. In hindsight, that was a blessing. She went back to the dentist the other day. Mentioned about her dad when he asked how recovery went. While she explained what happened, he, using his medical knowledge of what the events were that led to Brad’s death told her that bleeding out and freezing to death were the two most pleasant ways to die without trauma. He told her that Brad’s brain was lacking oxygen for probably many hours and he basically just felt weak and tired. Then just went after the coughing episode when they knew something was really wrong. That made both of us feel better. Even if it wasn’t the way it went, it still made us feel a little relieved to know.
Silence doesn’t equal sadness but it does equal being crazy busy. Snow has been the craziest part of this holiday break. We don’t EVER have snow. Now it seems like we have it once a week! So much for global warming. Our house redos are coming along very nicely. Katie and I went to IKEA to purchase the new cabinets for the kitchen. We are right on track with our timing. Last spring when Brad was “recovering” I took him to IKEA in Houstson just because it was a place we could walk around. We both found a kitchen set up that we loved. He said by Christmas we should have this kitchen in our house. Well…we are just a few weeks behind his schedule but feel like we are doing something that he totally approves of. It is nice to know that he saw it and had a say in it because it makes it feel like I am doing something with him instead of without him.
Car issues- Junky truck inspected. Lights fixed in about 3 minutes. WOW…when guys know what they are doing it sure is a nice thing! Not that Brad wouldn’t have known…but it would have been a long day of figuring it out, a big mess, the dashboard ripped off and in the yard, etc. He wasn’t the neatest of workers!!! One car sold!!! Another car going to be gone by this weekend. Now we are just down to three, oh…and that danged motorcycle is still here!!
I will be ready for school to start on Monday so I can get some rest. Lots of my to do list is done. There isn’t a graduate class for me to take this spring…yeah! So I might actually have a chance to use my new Air Climber and get myself into shape. It kicked my butt…well actually my thighs last night. Obviously I am going to have to “work up” to a full workout. I couldn’t even go 2 minutes at a time. Man…I am out of shape. Now it is time to take care of me.
December 30th, 2009 at 08:48am
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Sorry, I have been delayed in blogging due to technical difficulties. This blog has some crazy set of letters for a sign on and my keyboard had to be replaced before I could type again. Then I kept having renovations done so the computer kept getting moved each day!!! Finally, Katie put it in my bedroom on the floor so I could get on line to catch up but it is really uncomfortable to sit here very long. I guess if I moved it to my bed I could just stay on line all night long! The room where the computer usually is located is being tiled and doors removed and moved. It is already looking great and it isn’t even 50% done!
I had my first really big cry the other day when the insurance check came in. I guess it was like the final thing even though it really isn’t. I was shocked by my reaction. The amount certainly would be worth not having if I could trade it for Brad. Not cancer Brad, but happy healthy Brad.
Katie and I have kept busy so it is making the season easy enough so far. We will see how Friday goes. I made it through the birthday. Tomorrow would have been our 26th anniversary. He was supposed to make it up to me since last year we were in the hospital preparing for the stem cell transplant for our 25th. G1163 WAS a corner room that provided room service and the price was that of a REALLY fancy botique hotel on the top floor! The very first week we knew about the cancer I remember asking God to let him live until we had 25 years under our belts. Hmmm….I should have asked for 50! For some reason that 25 mark seemed like a lifetime away at that time. I remember thinking how great that would be if we celebrated our 25th. I guess we did. I think he let me order something special off the room service menu even though he had to pay for my meal!! Sounds like Brad huh??? I loved that man for almost 27 years of my life. I wouldn’t trade one single day. Well….maybe that one day in 85 when I got my hair cut really short and he wouldnt talk to me.
December 22nd, 2009 at 09:28pm
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Today would have been Brad’s 48th birthday. Lots of people have called and emailed and texted their good wishes. Most sound a little jealous of the party he is having this year. Brad hated parties especially those for him. I guess in Heaven you don’t get to tell God you don’t wish to have a party. I wonder how that went over with Brad! Today I gave the staff at our school each a Dr. Pepper with the task of drinking it to honor Brad’s birthday. I had to buy 4 cases of DP the other night. The checkout lady looked at me sorta funny and I said…giving them away. She said she thought I was having a crisis. Little did she know but my crisis came a little more than a month ago.
Figured out the online bill pay!!! YEAH…. I pays to finally get to the right person who in about 30 seconds tells you what to do. Why can’t you get to that person with your first 50 phone calls???
School countdown is 4!!! YES 4!!! That is sooooo motivating. Let’s get her done! I think I can make it…I don’t know about my kids. It is amazing how they act around this time of year….no brain cells are currently functioning.
Getting some stuff done around the house. Got the driveway leveled out instead of the canyon which used to be our entrance. It was done pretty quickly. I think if Brad had had any idea it could be done so quickly he would have had that done last August when we moved in! Back room is coming along with door removal and tiling. It is going to look good. I learned how to put the battery charger on Brad’s truck to keep it running and it worked. I didn’t blow anything up. Took the truck for inspection that was due in Oct…a little bit going on that month and the next…..It didn’t pass. It needs a switch that is working for the high beam lights…really? I told the guy I only needed to drive it to Lowes and Home Depot and I promised not to go in the pitch black of night but no go. Now I gotta get that danged truck fixed.
I have plenty to do to keep me busy. Just need school to let out so I can get started!!!
December 14th, 2009 at 11:14pm
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Yep…that’s the school day countdown!! Woo-hoo! I am ready for this break, but I have lots to get done. My backyard neighbor and I made a plan to have a chainsaw party. There are some scraggly trees and branches that need to be cleared from the back part of my yard. He and I met at the fence for me to see his new adorable baby goat and made the plan to teach me the fine art of using our chainsaw!!! Last night Santa and Mrs. Claus came by the house with a nice treat of candy and some GREEN stuff in a jar. (Really…I am not kidding!) Friday night, I went with Katie to her school party and then onto a biker bar with some of her teacher friends. Really…I am not kidding! As you can see there is hardly a dull moment at the house lately.
Found out about the house payment today….seems that we are on a biweekly payment plan which explains why I never saw that amount coming out once a month. But I don’t get why I didn’t pay attention to the half amount coming out twice a month!! I hope I get this down or it could get bad!!! Katie signed up for her second to last semester of classes yesterday. This means if all goes well and as planned she will be out by August and ready to get a big girl teaching job. Yee haw!
I am missing Brad but feeling more and more like an old version of myself. Not old but as in how I used to feel before cancer struck. Well..maybe old…picked up my no line bifocal glasses today…that’s a trip to try to walk in those the first time. Literally.
December 7th, 2009 at 09:05pm
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Autopsy report came back. Brad had no evidence of cancer anywhere in his body!
As the nurses said who called to tell me the news. He got what he wanted out of this whole ordeal which was to not let cancer be the thing that took him out of this world. I said God was trying to take him a few years ago, gave him this rare aggresive cancer that they kept trying to fix so He just had to take him out with something that He knew MDAnderson couldn’t fix! I know Brad just jumped up and down when he found out at the gate that he was cancer free.
Had a first awkward moment the other day. My cell phone rang, I answered and the guy on the other end asked to speak with Brad. We haven’t had a home phone for the past 3 years so to hear someone on my own cell phone number asking for Brad was unusual but at this point really so. My gut reaction was to say he wasn’t available. So the guy said do you know when he willbe available. I said-Never. Ok….probably not the best thing to say but remember I was still a little in shock. I recovered nicely and explained what I meant but then the poor guy just stumbled all over himself trying to apologize and all. Oh well….lesson learned. I gotta be nicer on the phone.
Still working on the bills. Found that taking them two at a time is easier than looking at the whole pile. Messed up the online banking of course…Brad is just shaking his head at me. Somehow I lost all the info on the bills that are paid electronically or something. The house payment is getting made but I don’t know where from? This is my next puzzle to figure out. If you are making my housepayment would you please email me so I know this is why I can’t find out where it is coming from???? I think by Christmas break I will have this all sorted out and get a two week chance to organize myself into a pretty good system.
Thanks for sending emails, cards, food, cash…housepayments? It is all very much appreciated. Sunday will be one month exactly. It seems like it has already been 3 months at times and then I still think that I just left him in Houston and I need to get back there and pick him up.
December 2nd, 2009 at 09:40pm
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This countdown is of how many school days are left until the next break! It hardly seems possible that November is over with and done. I think it was just a blur for me pretty much the entire month. I am sitting here typing while glancing over at the evergrowing pile of things I should be taking care of but it is way more important to post on the blog. The sad thing is is that I am really upset that I don’t have my excuse of “I had classwork to do.” Not that I want more classwork but it did sound more legitimate than I just didn’t want to do it. Yikes…I am really going to have to do this. Why is it so many other things I can do just fine? The riding mulching mower works great. I got the yard completely clean and now know that I should rake out the flower beds into the yard THEN go over the yard. I almost wanted to just mow down my flowerbeds the other day when I realized I did this backwards. I can buy stuff just fine. I have even found a book that is helping me along the way and reaffirming my feelings and emotions. I can still do laundry and I still hate it. I can cook a turkey. I can’t sit down and concentrate on the bills. Maybe that is the key word…concentrate. I seem to have issues with that. If it is mindless, I can do it. If I have to think really hard…fa get about it! Oh well…my book says that this is normal. 14 more to go….I already need the break. Maybe the bills can wait until then!!!! What do ya think Jeffy????
November 30th, 2009 at 08:49pm
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The turkey was actually pretty good. I rubbed it down with vegetable oil and put fajita seasoning all over it. It came out golden brown and was really tender. After a late lunch, we then watched the Cowboys trounce over the Raiders. Then we went to Kristi’s house to meet the new member of the family. Brad’s nephew Heath is getting married in Las Vegas on Sat. So we went to approve of the new gal. She is cute and he is really in love…you can just tell. Brad had said he wanted to try to go to the wedding and I guess he is going to get to see it, maybe with the real Elvis standing beside him!
I have still avoided the bills. I just don’t want to play this game. I know my financial advisors don’ t want to hear that but I really don’t.
We have been dogsitting this week and this dog has turned out to be such a good boy. He is a golden retriever teenager-1 year old. He is taller than our 5 year old Golden Sadie. He is a little goofy cause of his long legs but he has adapted to life at our house quickly. He isn’t even worried about the cats anymore. He has learned to sit and just tonight figured out what we meant by shake. What a good boy!!!
Two more days off and then 3 weeks until Christmas break. I think we can make it. We did enjoy a day of sleeping in today. It was 11:30 before I got up and 12:30 for Katie!!! We are lazy bums!!!
November 27th, 2009 at 10:01pm
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This is the first major holiday we have spent without Bradley. Several have told me it would be hard. Of course, this morning at about 5 am I woke up and started crying. It was probably my first really good cry since he left us. I knew that all I was crying for was what used to be his earthly life. And that was even life before we knew cancer. So ultimately, I stopped crying because he is doing great. I pictured him sitting with his grandpas, grandmas and his mom and my dad, shelling pecans on this big wide porch with little humidity and no bugs and the perfect 70 degree beautiful day. Why should I cry for that? I am crying because I am sitting here calling the plummer because our new toilet that Brad thought we needed in March doesn’t have enough flush power to get the crud to the street sewer so it clogged up. I am crying because neither Katie or I know how to cook since Brad spoiled us all these years, so we were about to undertake our first turkey. I am crying because the yard is full of leaves again. I am crying because …I don’t know…So I stopped.
The turkey is in the oven despite Katie’s joy of exploring the giblet bag. The pipes were cleaned yesterday so we are good to go for awhile. And I am about to get on that riding, mulching mower and see what I can do about these leaves.
We will update later on if the turkey was a success. The dogs were quite intrigued by the vision of the girls trying to cook. I think they see a large turkey in their future. I told Katie, if the bird tastes bad then at least we have corn, mashed potatoes and rolls. We will be just fine.
November 26th, 2009 at 10:27am
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This weekend I finished up my grad class and all of the projects. That was a huge relief. It is so funny how your brain can’t really make sense of the written word during a time like this. I squeezed out what was in there to finish up and there wasn’t much left. I was able then to sleep like a baby come Sat. night and most of the day Sunday. I could not stay awake during the Cowboy game but I did manage to wake up with 2:17 left to go, so in reality I saw the whole game. It wasn’t pretty but it was a W!
After class, I went to lunch with some of the girls from class, then I went to do a little retail therapy. I went to Garden Ridge just to walk around mainly, bad time to go on Sat. afternoon but it was mentally relaxing. But then on the way back home I just happened to stop off at Grubb’s Nissan in Bedford. Well….guess what??? Yes. I did it…..I came home with a brick red…Tuscan Sun…to be exact….07 Maxima!!! It was so fun making the purchase. If you need a new or used car, go see the guys at Grubb’s. See Bill McKenzie or Wayne Rhew both of them are good guys and will take care of you. No, I didn’t get paid for that endorsement!!! I just owed Bill a mention since on the blog for March 14, 2007 he was mentioned but not by name!
This week starts the bill figuring out. Death certificates came in on Friday, so that enables me to get going on all the paperwork end. By the way, each death cert. costs $45 dollars and they recommend you get 7-10 of them. That is crazy! It takes a lot of money to leave this world. You guys need to be ready!
Katie and I have had over 1 million…well…maybe not that many… invites to Thanksgiving. We are starting to feel like just sitting here in our comfy sweats eating Boston Market sounds like a good plan. If you have invited and we don’t attend don’t be offended.
Sorry today is so random…I think this is my brain still on shut down mode. Anyway. I feel like Brad is still right here with me. I miss him and his cutting up and laughing but he is laughing his way in Heaven and how could I not wish that for him. Again…we will be ok. I know that now on this side of his death. Before I didn’t want to ponder this side too much but I think he would be proud of us.
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:35am
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Man…have I been busy. I guess that is a good thing but I am about to need a break! At least two are coming my way. Tomorrow is the last day of school for a week. I love Thanksgiving break. I really love that Irving sees to it that we keep that week long break. It is desperately needed by all. By Sat. at noon my graduate class is done with! That is a big AMEN! I was able to get all my papers and projects turned in last night. Tonight my project partner and I met for a couple of hours and hammered out the 45 minute presentation that we must do. Tomorrow night and Sat. morning are the last two class meeting times. Do you feel the exhaustion running off the page yet? I plan on sleeping straight from Sat. night through Monday, maybe Tues. I see that the blog is getting lots of hits everyday but I sort of feel like Brad did. When none of you make comments it is hard to get motivated to write. I have had a few other thousands of words I have been writing but I can see the light at end of the tunnel.
My kids at school have been great. They wanted me to tell them what happened and so I started to. Then pretty quick into it one of the kids said, “I know exactly how you feel. One time we had a cat that died.” That’s when I had to stop the conversation. It was funny really. I wanted to scream ”A cat and a husband are two totally different things ” but I didn’t. I just got us all back to work and told them I would have to continue later. Tonight we had a family night at school. One of my former students who is now in middle school came to find me, hugged me and then preceeded to tell me that he had put me on the prayer list at his church for me to find someone quickly and to be safe. I thought that was so sweet. Not sure about finding someone quickly. I teased with Brad all the time about he couldn’t leave me until I was hot. Meaning skinny! Well…he certainly didn’t hold up his end of the deal! Anyway, I asked the kid to put in this Sunday that I needed to figure out how to pay the bills.
Speaking of bills, the death certificates have taken what seems like forever to get here. I don’t want to sound crass but hurry up…this is holding up my entire process of finding the funds that have been left to live with! I can’t believe that you can find out you have cancer in 4 hours, get a late payment notice in 3 days, but it takes forever for them to type in a form that says you kicked the bucket! Surely there is an online form to fill out! I think if I was trying to get someone else’s identity I could have done it faster than this. Really!
Enough for now. Tomorrow is two weeks since the worst day of my life. I can’t believe it happened and many times I find myself thinking that I just left him in Houston to get well and I am supposed to go pick him up any day. Then reality hits and I do remember that my life has changed. I will be ok. I already know that now. But I do miss him terribly.
November 19th, 2009 at 10:40pm
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I am a little lost in all the confusion and turmoil that putting together a great party does to someone. Yes, that is right. I said a great party. Last night at 5:00, a ton of people who loved Brad got together to celebrate the life he lived while here on Earth. I am quite sure that the party he is having now is nothing to compare to our event last night, but this one down here was fabulous. There were around 396 signatures in the guest book. Not that we were counting and/or taking attendance. If you need a note of excuse it better be good. The best one was from a friend in Colorado who had a meeting with the governor and attorney general and they weren’t being very flexible with their time. I think that one might just win out over those of you who wanted to stay home and watch the CMA’s. Speaking of country music, I don’t know how in the world Brad has control now over radio stations but Katie and I were in the car just before the last visitation and Toby Keith’s new song, “Cryin for Me” came on and of course, the words were exactly written for Brad. So there were go…crying in the car.
It’s a little funny-this grieving widow thing. How do you practice for it? Do you expect that it could happen at any moment? I remember laying across Brad’s chest and wailing for him to wake up one more time on Friday morning to hear another voice behind my shoulder telling me this was a little too dramatic and Brad would get embarrassed if I made a scene. I stopped. I knew he wasn’t in there. It was simply the casing that I was accustomed to. Guess I have seen too many great movies where the hero makes a comeback at the last second. They told me I could stay as long as I wanted. As I sat there with my temperature rising in the gown and mask I had to dawn to see him for the last time, I asked my good friend, Kristi, how long was I supposed to do this? Does it make me a better person if I stay longer? Does it tell the nursing world that I cared more than the last grieving wife? I knew it wasn’t doing him or myself, much less Kristi any good to stay there too long. At that point, I just wanted to get on the road to Irving and love on my Katie. So we left…or tried to. We had loaded all of his belongings which fill up and overflowed a wheelchair. When we started looking for specific items, we realized that they didn’t pack a thing in his suitcase which was why it was overflowing the chair…hmmm…strange practice but we figured it out and condensed somewhat. Still we needed to use the wheelchair. Maybe for us to lean on as much as to carry the stuff out to the car for the last time. Back to the exit from ICU room 734. We were trying to leave and we couldn’t get the wheelchair out the sliding glass door. We kept backing up the chair and trying to line it up just right and then we realized the leg thing kept moving out to the side right as we hit the bump where the door would slide. That was what was keeping the chair from going out the door. Crazy as it sounds, Kristi and I were chuckling about how two supposedly intelligent 5th grade teachers couldn’t figure out how to drive a full wheelchair, when we realized it was just Brad saying goodbye. We both looked back at him, told him to stop it and the next time we tried, we got right out. Weird way to leave MDAnderson, lobby empty at 5:45 in the am. We had to have security escort us. Found out that was customary in most hospitals when the “loved” one comes to view the body. I guess they thought I might go postal on them or something. Eeriely quiet, a few security people-”SA-CUR-ATEE” (Nevermind…that’s a whole other story!), one lady who was like me several times and didn’t have a hotel room curled up on a really not comfy chair with a hospital blanket on and a few other nurses rushing in to punch the clock. The entry at MDA is like a grand hotel with a soaring ceiling, a grand piano usually being played by a volunteer and people from all over the world seeking answers and cures. Right in the middle there is a beautiful tall water fountain sculpture made with money donated by some family who’s name I looked at a million times but never even processed. That morning I looked at that name and wondered how they felt as they left the building for hopefully the very last time. Mixed emotions. Sad, happy it was complete, glad, mad, worried, scared, exhausted. These were my feelings at the time. At that moment, I knew that I wanted to have donations made to MDAnderson but directly to the doctor that is studying the hideous cancer monster that took my Brad. With Brad’s luck, the donation money paid by his friends would have gone toward the purchase of a Hiney Hider. That’s the name of the maker of those bathroom doors for those of you who haven’t spent much time in public bathrooms. If you missed the address it is on the post just before this one. I would love for Brad’s name to be included in a medical journal as funding a study which just happened to be the cure. How great would that be!! Also, on the last post read the poem by Alan called DUDE. It sums up what happened last night. If you don’t “get it” then my only response is that you shoulda been there!
Last night, this grieving widow (wow…still sounds totally foreign to me) learned that you better love on people while they are around you, make great friends who can actually think of nice, true things to say about you, and keep in touch with people no matter what sort of situation you find yourself in. Brad caused a bunch of different people to have to come to terms with situations they had found themselves in. I enjoyed watching each of these events play out. I knew Brad was TVOing it so he could replay each look, each piece of conversation had. He studied those plays like a coach and he made sure they happened.
If you could find your way back to the very first post-(I dont even know if it is still here, but Mark can probably find it! ) you would see something that Brad wrote about me crying that we didn’t have any friends as we embarked on this cancer journey. I don’t know what was wrong with me. How can you say a gym overflowing with people and hundreds of others that weren’t there counts as no friends. Silly me. What was I thinking! Enough for now. As always, I am exhausted but this sure feels good to write these thoughts down…almost as good as retail therapy Jeff!!!! t
November 12th, 2009 at 09:09pm
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This has been another great day. Brad has been laughing up a storm! The funeral director was a little taken back by our laughter but he got the idea when Brad’s sister spoke up and shared that Brad would have been cracking even more jokes!
Arrangements:
Visitation/Viewing- Tues Nov. 10, 2009 from 6-8pm
at
Donnelly’s Colonial Funeral Home
606 Airport Fwy. (Hwy 183)
Irving, TX 75062
South service road between MacArthur and O’Connor
2nd Visitation/Viewing- Wed. Nov. 11, 2009 from 12-3pm
Same funeral home
Celebration of Life-Memorial Service
Wed. November 11, 2009
5:00pm
Farine Elementary
615 Metker
Irving, TX 75062
(from funeral home-exit to service road, at light turn left, go through 2 stoplights, and the next left will be Metker, go past the church and daycare-school is on the right.)
November 7th, 2009 at 06:47pm
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Now you won’t have to guess if this is Tami or Brad writing. However, I might just throw in some misspelled words to throw you off now and again! About 24 hours ago from right now I lost my forever best friend, confidant, and love. Yesterday, I had about 1,000,000 conversations about Brad. Every single one of them was filled with laughter and joy. Brad was a great guy. I spent more of my life with him than before I met him. I have a huge hole in my path right now but with the love and support I have felt from everyone, that hole was passable yesterday and hopefully with time will be the same each day.
Brad used this blog as sort of a therapy for dealing with cancer. I now will use this blog as sort of a therpy for dealing with grief. Hopefully, it will touch hearts and bring laughter along the way making this new adventure easier for me, Katie and the millions of others in the world grieving.
Cancer sucks. That’s it. Nothing else to say on that topic.
MD Anderson. You gave Brad 2 1/2 more years of life with me and Katie. Some days were great, some not so great. We ALWAYS knew we were in the best hands. From day 1, we felt your love and care that permeated from your souls for those with the disease and those who were caretakers and supporters. I can’t thank you enough. I was glad to put my “Smart Chip” in the slot yesterday for the last time. You guys gotta work on that parking fee, seriously!
Family-As we have said, you guys have carried us through this battle. We love you all so much. Brad loved everyone of you and so do Katie and I. He would not wish this disease on anyone else in our circle. As for any of your current faults, Katie did tell me that three of you swept the living room floor yesterday at separate times. My floor is probably in shock. Feel free to sweep if that helps you through this time, but know that I don’t expect it and neither does my floor really!
Friends- Good grief! (What exactly does that mean? Am I experiencing that phrase for the first time?) Yesterday, we found out just how small our house is between people and food filling it up. Last year we “downsized” seriously when we bought this place. God put in place just what needed to be happening right when we needed it. You guys have been put into our lives for certain times right when we needed it. I don’t think I have laughed so much as I did yesterday. I was so blessed to know that Brad made everyone laugh. All in all, it was a really good day yesterday. Brad always said that if the worst thing that was going to happen with him is that one day he would wake up in the arms of Jesus then ok…he felt he was in a win/win situation. He worried mostly about me and Katie left on this side. We are going to need help. Be there for us. Just don’t think you all need to sweep! We love you guys.
Now, I fell asleep quickly tonight because I had only one hour of sleep before the “crisis of the end” phone calls started coming. I was exhausted. Then tonight, I woke up and reality smacked me in the face again. So I checked the blog and facebook. Wow…today’s form of grieving. Hmmmmm. I can beginning to feel tired again so I am going to try to sleep some more. Pray for Katie and I, and our family and friends during the next few days as many decisions will be made as to where, when and how we will celebrate Brad’s earthly life. I can promise you this- won’t be stuffy, won’t be sad, won’t be short either probaby! Oh…Brad would hate that I just said that- his attention span wouldn’t last a long celebration. But…I guess this time, he is -in a sense- a captive audience.
November 7th, 2009 at 02:49am
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I fell. Well I had just got into the restroom to untangle all of the tubes they tie around you and someone tried to open the door….I looked like a mini whirl wind as I went down to the ground with my shoulder hitting the bottom of the bowl
Forget being embarrassed. Eight nurses came in with 8 different ideas on how to get me up off of the floor. 20 minutes later, we finally had me and my new thong I didn’t know that I owned.
Needless to say, I probably won’t be coming home tomorrow. The have figured what is causing all of my probablems and they say it will just a few weeks to few months to get back to normal.
It never can be dull.
Brad
November 3rd, 2009 at 08:40pm
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Once again here we sit at MDAnderson for another holiday celebration. We have been here for Christmas Day, Thanksgiving Day, New Years Day, Fourth of July, Memorial Day, Easter, Mother’s Day, Fathers Day,Lincolns Birthday. ( The reason I know about Lincoln’s birthday is because we got a heart shaped pillow for Valentines and when the man asked Brad what he did he thought it would be funny for the teacher to have the heart pillow made out of Lincoln’s pictures! Seriously, they make fabric like that.) I think we have missed most of the Jewish holidays in Sept/Oct but that is all (sorry Adam and Arielle)! I got a cute little flickering pumpkin in the gift shop on Friday that was 75% off! That is our decoration plus the glow in the dark bracelets that Volunteer Services had in Brad’s trick or treat bag. Those are on his chemo pole that isn’t putting in chemo this time just other assorted iv drugs. His cousin Bobby just walked in with this really scary costume on…oh wait..that was just his normal look. Believe me…he is scary. Looks like he could beat up anyone by just looking at them, but like a teddy bear inside. He loves Brad. It was good to see him. Today the doc said he should be feeling much better in 2 or 3 days. Doesn’t mean he is getting out but we will see. Thanks again for keeping up with Brad and his trials with this awful thing called cancer. If it hasn’t affected anyone in your family or circle of friends be thankful. It is terrible. The worst of all Halloween tricks.
October 31st, 2009 at 06:17pm
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Finally! We got in to see the doctor and bam…Brad is admitted to the hospital!! I just knew that as soon as they saw him they were going to get going. It is so nice to have that sort of confidence when you walk in a hospital. No wonder they were adverstising that they had been declared the #1 Cancer hospital in the US by some big name magazine. The official diagnosis is: He is all messed up. REALLY? One med is counteracting another, another med is messing with his kidneys and liver, toxic levels of another one in his blood, and he has a flu like virus called cytomeglavirus or something like that, but the meds for that mess with your kidneys and liver!!! Dr. Q says all of this can be fixed but he wants to watch the results down in Houston and not play this game with the doc in Irving. Like I said before…FINALLY! Also he will get some physical therapy to rebuild his muscles while here. He needs that for sure. Right now he is in the ER waiting on a bed in the big hospital. There were 48 people in front of him waiting at 7 but they were taking them out of the ER two at a time. He will probably be in there all night until they discharge more patients tomorrow morning but at least he is already getting cared for. Just no bed for me so I came back to the hotel we stayed in last night. I really don’t remember what a full night of sleep is like since Brad has been so bad lately. Plus no school for me….this feels like a vacation…not really.
Funny things today…I got out mid morning to get some things and the radio had these two songs in a row. “I Want A New Drug…one that won’t make me sick!” and “Hit me with your Best Shot”….I thought those were quite ironic. Obviously I had an oldies station on! Thanks for the phone calls, texts, emails and prayers. I think we might actually make it past this bump in the road. tami
October 28th, 2009 at 10:11pm
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in the slurp of the stopped up drain. For Brad’s faithful readers, this post has been written by Tami. It will be a long one I am sure, so if you need to know the outcome without reading then read the last paragraph!
We are beginning on week 3 or 4, I can’t even remember, of what has been the most awful time Brad has had ever. He looks right now like I expected him to look when getting chemo crammed in his body or after a stem cell transplant. He looks sick. I guess I have been spoiled into thinking that we might kick this thing and that I wasn’t going to have to face life alone, but the past few weeks have convinced me otherwise. Then I get mad at myself for thinking that way and realize this seems to be just a medicine issue and not a cancer issue. Then I get mad at why this whole terrible event is happening. Just a few weeks ago Brad was happy to be back at work. Being an inspiration to people who thought they were having a bad day and then they would see Brad killing himself to make it down the hall to his class.
Then Brad went to MDAnderson to find out that he had to go back on those anti-rejection meds for awhile. Within two days of starting the pills, which WITH insurance cost around $1,000 a month, he started to feel awful. His muscles have atrophied to the point where he can’t get himself up. He is walking with a cane. He can’t pick his feet up. He doesn’t eat. He has lost 70 pounds since August. He sleeps all day. He doesn’t know what time it is most of the time. This is a great plan for $1,000. NOT! The docs here in Irving won’t make a move without MDA docs suggesting it. He has had to have plateletes at least 4 times in the past few weeks. This week we are headed to MDA for some answers. I need them to see him. They were always so proud to say that he was “in treatment”…their poster child for looking great while you have cancer. I think when they see their poster child they will finally act on some remedy for this situation.
As you can imagine, when Brad has moments of being lucid he is wondering why he is having to stay here on Earth and put up with feeling this way. I have wondered the same thing too and then I think about it could easily be just the meds doing this. His blood sugar has gone from in the 500’s to the 50’s in two weeks-both of which make you feel really bad! So we start with docs orders taking half this med and increasing this one by 1/4 and then spin around 3 times looking over your left shoulder and spit out half the dose but make sure it hits the toilet….oh wait…..I am just reporting how the directions feel. Potassium’s high, sodium low…wait sodium now high….what do we do about that?
In the meantime, life for me is work, grad class work which is just about to kill me this semester, take care of Brad. Then on Thursday night I get a call saying my mom had fallen and was on her way to the hospital by ambulance. I grab my book and computer because, of course I have two papers due before midnight and it was 7 pm when the call came! My mom had fallen between the house and her car while trying to get in he car to go eat her dinner. She broke her eye socket and her sinus wall on the left side but the worst part was she sat in a puddle from our horrendous rain storms for 2 hours before she got her neighbors attention with her panic button on her car key. Yes…the first question is why didn’t she call with her cell phone. It was plugged in charging on the kitchen counter where it has been charging for about 3 weeks! Anyway, got her back home with new orders to use her walker-big bad no no in her book and carry her cell phone. As I was driving to the hospital I called a friend and said, ”I know that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” Her immediate reaction was.. “He must have a lot of confidence in you then.” But I said…enough!!! I can’t do much more. Here is where the stopped up drain comes in.
Friday morning while I was getting dressed, the sink was filling with water as I brushed my teeth. I remembered then that I needed to get some Draino and had forgotten. I started thinking when I was going to be able to do that since I had class Friday night until 10 and then tons of projects to do on Sat. I wasn’t in panic mode just thinking when SLUUURRRPPPPP down went the entire sink of stopped up water. I looked up, said thanks, and then said…but I need some help with these big things. But at least I had the reassurance that He still listens and speaks.
Friday at school was a great day. A mom showed up with a surprise armload of flowers for me just because she thought I could use a pick me up. I got to class and one of the assignments was taken off the list AND I found out that next semester they won’t be offering any class that I need!!!! That was about the best news of all! God is still good all the time and all the time God is good.
Now for the Reader’s Digest version- This has been the most awful 3 weeks of this whole cancer journey. I am at my wits end, Brad is giving up, Katie is sad to see her daddy looking so sickly, but we are all still here and hanging on to hope. Pray that the doctors in Houston will see their model patient not looking so modely…and come up with a plan!
Thanks for reading. Know that Brad would have written but he can’t because his hands are too shaky and he can’t really think for any period of time. He did request that I post today in between writing papers!!!! Tami
October 25th, 2009 at 06:35pm
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I haven’t been feeling too well over the last couple of weeks. I went back today to finish my transfusion and found out my sugars are 389 (way over diabetic numbers and explains all of the shaking) and the small incision on my foot where they took the biopsy to confirm GVHD that had a small infection now has MSRA.
I’ve taken a few days from work just to get some rest in but now I’m really glad I did. I’ve got to get to feeling better soon.
Brad
October 9th, 2009 at 01:58pm
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I had to go in at 3 yesterday to get ready for more platelets ( they were down to 14,000 ) and as of 8 pm, they still hadn’t been delivered and were still two hours away. Knowing no rest was coming my way, I discharged myself and rescheduled for 10 am this morning. My platelets will be here and waiting for me….and I’ll get some rest.
I can’t wait to hear from my stem cell doc on what they think is causing this. We have to stop this. Thursday I have an ALL DAY transfusion where I do back to back IVIG and Rituxin. Either one of those is considered all day but I’m trying to get them in together to not miss any more work. I’m going to be worn out but maybe I can make it an easy day at work and just make it to the weekend where I promise to rest the entire weekend.
Brad
October 6th, 2009 at 05:51am
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Rec’d a call today before lunch that after my platelets on Friday, they’ve actually gone DOWN from 17,000 to 15,000. So off I went again. We’ve got to find out what is causing this. Tomorrow I’m calling the transplant doc in Houston to get his thoughts. I black and blue all over now from bruising. Other than that, feeling ok with a little lack of energy still.
Oh, they said my potassium was very high and that can mess with your heart. Might explain why I normally beat in the 80’s but am now in the high 50’s.
Brad
September 29th, 2009 at 09:08pm
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I knew I hadn’t felt good the last couple of days but on the way home from school yesterday the doctor’s office called and said my platelets were down to 17,000 and I had to go straight to the hospital for a transfusion. That was at 4pm. We left at 10:45 last night. At least I didn’t have to spend the night.
These new meds they have me on are having me feel sluggish to say the least. Hopefully that will change soon.
Brad
September 26th, 2009 at 08:02am
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After a quick flight to and from Houston yesterday, I’ll try and explain what the latest is. I knew that we had stopped my anti-rejection drugs earlier than expected back in April. I didn’t remember that it was to try and encourage Graft Vs. Host Disease GVHD because then you get a helpful effect (Graft VS Tumor) if you relapse…which I had done. So they wanted me to get GVHD. Well, I did. Step one, successful. What I didn’t know is that now that the steriods I have to take to cure the GVHD are working and I’m slowly lowering their amounts, I have to once again begin taking all of the anti-rejection drugs again. When I asked for how long….the answer was about 4 or 5 months. Geeze, these things are several hundred dollars a month. Glad I’m back to work.
So now that we’ve got the problem of GVHD that we wanted….and are now treating it to get rid of it, we don’t want it back again. Make sense? Me either.
The place where they had takent he biopsy out of my foot has a slight infection in it but no big deal. Other than that, the doctors assured me we are on track and everything is looking good. I wish I could say the cancer is gone but it’s not. I can say that we don’t think it is growing and that is obviously a good thing. My sister’s stem cells appear to be trying to fight the cancer which is exactly what we wanted. Now I just have to take my meds and try not and get sick. These meds lower my immune system even more but then you are on anti-virals, anti-this, anti-that every day trying to make sure you don’t get sick. It’s a balancing act.
I’ll still continue to get once a month day long treatments but have decided against flying to Houston for those as the flight, taxi’s, etc just are too expensive. I can take one day a month and get it done here in Irving.
Enough for now. Thanks for continuing to keep up with us via this blog and if you see Katie, tell her happy 22nd.
Brad
September 19th, 2009 at 05:55pm
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I made my quick trip to Houston on Sat. Left my house at 5:30 a.m. in the rain with NO WINDSHIELD wipers. They just wouldn’t work. I should have known. I get to the airport and we board on time at 6:30 only to hear that there was a “mechanical problem”. Turns out the mechanical problem was one of the windshield wipers wouldn’t come on. It was all I could do from saying “Hey, that happened to me this morning” but then the vision of a mob of angry passengers headed for my seat kept me quiet. 25 minutes later we were up in the air.
I arrived at the hospital 10 minutes late for my 9am appt. At 10:45 am, they finally called me back to my room. And there IT was….the dreaded inflatable bed that doesn’t stop inflating and deflating ALL OF THE TIME. I’ll be sitting here six hours getting treatment listening to this bed go up and down. GREAT. I had them show me where the main plug was and occassionally I would just unplug it.
MD Anderson was putting in my IVIG so slow ( 120 ml per hour) that it was going to take a full six hours and I would miss my flight. I talked them in to raising the rate to 170 and ended up getting out early. Made it to the aiport with no trouble only to get to the gate and hear “I’m sorry, but this flight to Dallas has been changed due to a mechanical problem”. ( another windshield wiper perhaps?) and we are bringing in another plane.
Two flights on American and two planes that had mechanical problems. Not a good %. Oh, I can’t just pick on American. I sat at the food court at Hobby and you can watch Southwest Airlines workers work on the plane. Obviously, the luggage handlers are really training for the shotput. I kid you not, even when they could have more easily turned around and LAYED the bag on the ramp, they turned and heaved it. It must be part of their workout plan. I kept thinking of all of the hairdryers and such that will never work again after those drops.
I finally made it home last night and am glad to be here. I’m thinking of changing my plans to having this done here from now on. That was just too much and I could easily see missing my chemo with more plane screw ups or more bad weather.
Off to bed for school tomorrow.
Brad
September 13th, 2009 at 07:17pm
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So I headed to Houston yesterday just hoping to get an answer. Almost any answer would do. I could barely walk (no joke) due to sores on the bottom of my feet. I had a rash on my feet, legs, arms, hands and even fingers. It had been coming and going for four weeks.
When the doc saw me he advised me I did have a fairly severe case of chronic Graft Vs Host Disease. Question is what triggered it. I was sunburned just before the came out so that could be it. My body could be fighting the transplant or the cancer might be back and my new cells are trying to fight it.
They’ve put me on medicine (steroids) for the next few months and will see how I respond. If I’m not much better in a month, we’ll rescan for the cancer.
The good news is my feet are already better just overnight. Last night I couldn’t walk from one room to another. Today I’m up walking with just minimal pain. We’ll see if that holds.
My weight continues to fall. I started a few months ago at 330. As of yesterday, I was 285. I just can’t eat much. Great weight loss plan if you have the extra to start but at some point this needs to stop.
Enough for now. Looks like we are on the right path.
Brad
September 3rd, 2009 at 09:10am
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I made it through the first week of school. Worn out, but otherwise not damaged. I slept most of the weekend and when I say most, I mean most.
I fly down to Houston on Wednesday to see my stem cell doc. I’ve had a rash now for about a month that just won’t go away on my arms and some on my legs. Today it has hit the bottom of my feet with avengence. It is soooo painful just to walk and I move classes every thirty minutes. Tami said she thought it might be shingles but I’m hoping for GVHD where they can just give me some steroids and I’ll be better in a few days.
Not much more to say now but please pray for more energy and less pain with these rashes.
Brad and Tami
August 31st, 2009 at 09:33am
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I know that worry is a sin. Man, I sinned alot this weekend. I worried the entire weekend that I wouldn’t be able to make it at school. I’m still so exhausted that I can’t make it through the day without a nap. My initial schedule at work had my planning time and lunch together so it was a great way for me to take a nap. If you have ever been a teacher, you know that schedules are made to be changed. Now I’m down to 50 minutes to get to my portable, get to sleep, wake up and get to my next class. Somehow I don’t see that working. It should allow, however, for me to relax in the recliner I brought up to my room. That will help.
Part of my worry turned out to be due to meds. I had gotten off of the Ritilan because I was still sick at my stomach constantly. What I discovered was that within an hour of taking the Ritilan, my dizziness went away and my head cleared up. I still feel very tired but at least I can walk straight.
I’m set up for my Sept and Oct infusions in Houston. I was able to book $97 flights so I won’t even be driving or paying for a hotel. Just get up, fly down, do it and fly back. Not a fun Saturday, but it is over for another month.
All for now. Off to work with the kiddos.
Bradley
August 24th, 2009 at 06:57am
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Goldilocks….how does that enter a cancer blog. Well, the last few days I decided to try and get back to living. I had to buy a chain saw and cut down some rather large limbs that were blown down while we were in Houston. I also rented a trailer and loaded up my motorcycle and golf clubs and headed for Dad’s house in East Texas. That’s where the three bears comes in to play.
I was to take the day and ride motorcycles with my NEPHEW ( not cousin like he pointed out to me ) Heath, but that turned in to about an hour of riding and several hours of sleeping. Turns out my old 1982 motorcycle is very uncomfortable. You don’t know that if you haven’t been on something else lately but you do know that something just isn’t right. It was too bumpy, too much vibration, not enough smooooooth. I then switched over to my nephew’s bike. Geeze, a 2005 is soooo much more comfortable than an ‘82 model. Too smooth. I wanted to buy one then.
What’s just right. How about buying one of the new 4 door soft top jeeps? I get the wind in my face while still having four tires on the ground to balance. Yeh, that sounds just right!
Bradley
August 4th, 2009 at 09:28pm
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We rec’d almost the best news we could have gotten this week in Houston. I have nothing that is growing. I had one very small lymph node that didn’t decrease in size but it didn’t increase either in the last 60 days. I also was told by my stem cell doctor that I’m now 100% engrafted from my sister. When I relapsed right after my transplant, I was only 78% engrafted. The hope is that with my sister’s cells fully in charge, I’ll be able to fight any new cancer growing. To that end, to my shock, I’ve been taken off any chemo for the next four months! I do have to have IVIG once a month and Rituxin every other month but no real chemo!
We’ll restage in 4 months and see how things are going. Wow, four months! That is great news to me.
Busy this weekend with a wedding….Katie moving to her own place in Lewisville Sunday….then me going to East Texas on Monday to ride motorcycles with my cousin Heath and Tuesday playing golf with my Dad.
Here is the most ironic part of it all. I told the doc that my biggest issue was being so tired I wasn’t going to be able to work. They said with all of the pain meds I had been on that they put adults on Ritalin. Ritalin? Me? From what he said, kids use it to calm down while adults use it to get a little boost. Ironic if you know me at all.
Well, off to celebrate Tami’s birthday today. Usually we’ve been getting bad news on her birthday. Great to have something different happen this time.
Bradley
July 30th, 2009 at 08:56pm
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Tami and I leave on Tuesday for Houston. We begin testing that night and into Wednesday morning. Then begin all of the doctor visits to tell us what is going on. Is it growing? How much is back? Are there any treatment options left? Why is my body having so much trouble with Velcade? Why are my eyes seeing white flashes every few seconds now? So much to figure out.
This week our pastor, Andy, announced he had found out 8 days earlier he had colon cancer. I found out last month an old Music Minister friend of mine had a form of lymphoma that is rare. My best friend in the world has dealt with cancer in his leg and a host of other problems. Cancer just seems to be getting the “Big Head”.
On the good side, my platelets on Thursday had come up to 25,000 from 22,000 on Monday. Katie has accepted a position with the Lewisville ISD and has a new appt she is moving into on August 2nd. She is taking Sadie with her so the horse that has been living with us ( Golden Retriever actually ) will be leaving shortly as well. Does she have any idea how much it takes to feed that animal?
I’ve had several private emails about the mental side. Honestly, it is getting harder and harder. I’ve finally let them put me on meds for that too. At this point, my decision is to not do any more of the high dose chemo combinations. They are just too tough on my body and mind. No more stem cell transplants either. I’m hoping we can find some other low dose / pills to take that can help. Sleeping is still a pain too. I take two Ambien 12.5 extended release pills and still have trouble sleeping until after 1 or so. Pain pills are past being a problem. I don’t feel decent if I’m not taking them and to actually kill on of these bad headaches I get, I’m having to take more and more. I’ll be talking to the doc this week about the best way to slowly back off of these pills. Many have suggested a glass of wine at night to help relax me but we were told after the stem cell transplant no alcohol for a year. Not sure if that is ligit or not but that is what they told us.
Thanks for keeping up with us. I know by the numbers on here that the great majority never comment. That’s ok. I appreciate so much those that do but I’m thankful for anyone that is willing to take the time to catch up with us.
I’ll post again after I get the news on Thursday. Thursday night’s posting should be a real page turner. ( or mouse spinner)
brad
July 25th, 2009 at 01:34pm
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Platelets yesterday were down to 22K. It’s been over a week since any chemo so not sure why that is happening. We leave Tuesday morning to head to Houston to get CT scans and meet with Dr. R to get a plan together.
Eyes are still a little of a problem but getting better.
Until next week…
Brad
July 22nd, 2009 at 02:05pm
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Platelets yesterday were down to 22K. It’s been over a week since any chemo so not sure why that is happening. We leave Tuesday morning to head to Houston to get CT scans and meet with Dr. R to get a plan together.
Eyes are still a little of a problem but getting better.
Until next week…
Brad
July 22nd, 2009 at 02:05pm
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After getting Velcade Friday, I knew Monday would most likely be a problem for my platelets. I was right. They fell below the magic number needed for Velcade which is 30 down to 27. I just returned from a doctor’s appt and today, Thursday…the day before I am to begin my second round of this chemo, my platelets have fallen farther to 25. They’ll check again in the morning but it isn’t likely to go up by then.
I wasn’t too worried about this because there was this great pill out there for people that failed Velcade and I figured either this works ( which is fine ) or it doesn’t and I get to do the pill. That means no more shooting up my lines every night, no more worrying about it getting wet and infected, etc. As I read the exclusions for the study, my heart sank. No one is allowed to use this pill that has had a previous allo stem cell transplant. That is what I had. So, I’m out of the back up we thought we had.
We are heading down to MD Anderson July 29th – 31st for my CT scans and to meet with all of my doctors to formulate a plan. My fatigue level is getting better although I have a new found respect for the art of “napping”. I finally got all of the legal paperwork done on this old motorcycle I was given ( 1982 Honda 750 ) and have been riding it around the last two days. It tries to die at every intersection so you use your rear toe brakes and try and do double duty with your right hand. A little front brake while still giving the engine gas to not stall. I does take a little extra skill if I do say so myself.
Tami is right in her last post…I think when I finally get back into the school swing, I’ll be better. The first two weeks will be very hard but after that I think I’ll be so much better for just having something to do that I love.
Going to go work out in this 103 degree heat for a while…yes, full brim hat and plenty of sun screen!
Bradley
July 16th, 2009 at 01:25pm
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On Thursday my platelets had risen to 33,000 which is just over the bare minimum so they went ahead and gave me the chemo. I’m still having problems with my eyes but I think we about have that figured out.
School is going to be funny. Tami and I are figuring out that I feel really bad for about the first 3 or 4 hours I’m awake each day. That means that instead of going to ed at 11 pm like I normally do, I’ll need to head to bed around 8:30pm and get up around 5 or so and start doing stuff just to feel good for the beginning of school. Now granted, much of this is due to 105 degree weather which just zaps my energy so hopefully when the heat goes away, I can stay up like big boys and girls.
Bradley
July 12th, 2009 at 01:04pm
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I went in for my chemo today and once again my platelets are too low. I also began having fairly severe headaches on Friday which led to problems with my vision all weekend. When I mentioned that to my doc today, he immediately had me in to an eye doctor who said I had Iritis ( inflamation of the Iris) and put me on two eyedrops. They’ve also ordered an MRI of my brain (insert all of your jokes here) for tomorrow afternoon.
So much for our trip to Colorado….sorry folks of FBCE…we sure were looking forward to getting up there.
This means that I missed 1/2 of my chemo for this first round. If you remember how quickly my cancer comes back with no chemo, I’m a little concerned about this delay. Hopefully it won’t be a problem.
Brad
July 6th, 2009 at 04:24pm
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I went in for my chemo shot and was told my platelets were too low. No chemo for today. They were down to 38,000 Monday and today were 29,000. We’ll try again Monday. This may mess up plans for Colorado which was going to be a nice get away for us and time to see old friends. I’ll have to wait until Monday’s blood results before we know if we can go or not.
Other than that, the stomach is still a problem. Couldn’t eat dinner last night but feeling a little better today. Even installed another window AC today and mowed the front yard. (yes, riding mower)
Until Monday
Brad
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:39am
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Things are getting better for the most part. I had my mini transplant just over a week ago and began my low dose chemo this last Friday. Only two minor issues have come up. First, GVHD has risen it’s ugly head again. This time with the stomach so needless to say, food is the enemy and the bathroom is my friend. I start those dreaded steroids today that I hate so much. No sleep and huge water weight gain. Last time I put on 17 pounds in four days. Second issue is my platelets are still falling. They’ll check my blood work again Thursday before my next chemo but if they go down again, I won’t be allowed my next chemo shot. Last week they were up to 45,000….today down to 38,000.
We are hoping to get back up to Colorado the second week of July to visit old friends and thank so many that have helped us so much. As long as my chemo schedule doesn’t get thrown into a mess, we should make it.
School starts again in about six weeks. There is no way I could make an entire day yet but I’m getting stronger everyday and hoping that within the next couple of weeks, I’ll be back to “normal”.
Bradley
June 29th, 2009 at 02:57pm
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Cheryl donated her stem cells yesterday and I rec’d them today in a process that overall took from 10am until 2:30pm but in actuality only took 15 minutes. The cells weren’t ready, then they couldn’t get an IV in me, then this, then that….geeze. But it’s finally done. They are even letting us come home tomorrow morning although I have to come back next week for an office visit and blood work to make sure the transplant is going well.
They say that we really need to watch for GVHD over the next few weeks. We kind of hope for that to happen but not too severe. My energy level is better but still low. Most of my blood numbers are good except my platelets just won’t come up. They are still around 30,000 and should be over 100,000.
The new low dose chemo starts a week from today. The doctor here seems to think that I really have a good chance at a long remission by combining this stem cell transplant update and the low dose chemo we are going to be using.
Keep the prayers coming.
Brad
June 19th, 2009 at 07:50pm
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Rec’d the call we were waiting on today. The oncologist for the insurance company looked at the information that MD Anderson sent them and then talked to my stem cell dr at MD Anderson and agreed it could make a big difference in my outcome. The mini transplant has now been approved! There was a rush of activity (since my sister was to be heading down tonight to begin the stem cell donation process tomorrow) and we finally rec’d the all clear around 5:30 that it really was going to happen this week. My sister is leaving East Texas around 5am and I’ll be leaving here around 7am to meet at the hospital tomorrow morning late. She has some tests to do tomorrow, we both meet with the docs Wednesday and she donates cells either Wednesday or Thursday. I’ll get them the following day and will come home a day or two later to begin my low dose chemo.
Tami has tons going on with this Gifted and Talented class she is taking so she is staying here until Thursday when she’ll fly down to Houston to be with me for the transplant.
It’s all falling in to place so far. Keeping praying it stays that way!
Brad
June 15th, 2009 at 05:03pm
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Doc R. says he looks all clear again. We are now just waiting for Blue Cross to tell us if we can do the stem cell booster next week. Doc said “Why are we doing a bone marrow biopsy when it has been clear since the first time?” Brad says..”I dunno.” Doc says, “Let’s cancel it” YEE HAW!!!! We actually get to sleep in this nice hotel bed and act like we are on a vacation for one morning. Just wanted you all to know. tami
June 11th, 2009 at 05:17pm
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She has to go back in six months to have it rechecked just to make sure it isn’t growing but the cells came back showing no cancer. Great News!
June 10th, 2009 at 10:28am
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I’ve been after Tami for two plus years to have a mammogram. She finally went in yesterday only to find out there were some areas of concern on both sides. One turned out to be only a cyst but the other appears to be a bengign tumor. To make sure, we went in at 7:30 this morning to have a biopsy done. The doctor is to call me tomorrow (Wednesday) with the results as Tami is in a class all day. They really feel this is nothing but just want to make sure. Please pray for Tami and a good result.
We’ll be leaving directly after her class tomorrow for Houston for my two days of testing to see where my cancer stands and if we are going to do the mini transplant or not. As of today, BCBS has said they will NOT pay for it. We have appealed and are awaiting a decision.
Lots of stuff going on….but we know God is in control. Thank goodness we aren’t or we would have for sure screwed this up by now.
I continue to have good and bad days. Some days I can stay up most of the day and some days I am doing well to get out of bed two or three times and walk around. I felt bad today so what did I do? Yep, got on the motorcycle and rode around the block. Felt better until I got off and went “what the heck did you just do?”
Oh well, better to live life…..
Brad
brad
June 9th, 2009 at 09:30pm
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I have been told that we needed to update the blog. For all of you faithful readers who think that Brad might still be in the hospital, I am sorry. He came home as of Wednesday! He is still VERY weak and looks finally like he has cancer. For 2 1/2 years he’s just looked pretty normal but now he looks like something is up with him. Anyway, today we had a great time with some former church buddies. They came to do all the work that Brad lays around thinking that he might ought to get up and try to do. As we all know, that is a very bad idea. Usually ends up with passing out, ramming a limb into a limb, falling through an attic,etc. I am exhausted and so is Katie. Brad should be pretty well rested since he slept most of the time. I think someone drugged him so he wouldn’t try to help! We had Chris (dude-you rock! Thanks for bringing the muscle that Mark couldn’t bring!), Kevin-(thanks for taking time away from your family to help us out), Kim and Rodney (you guys…what can I say…let’s forget this mess and go on a cruise!), and Marquis (you silly man). It was fun, even though we sweated buckets! I haven’t laughed that much in a long time and that felt very good. Everything looks fabulous. Now I am not so overwhelmed with my job list and hopefully, Brad will just look out into the yard and think wow…it all got done while I slept!! I am so glad that God chose to bring us all together at church in 1998! Good friends that will last forever.
School’s finally out. This was a rough year. I am looking forward to next year and Brad found out he will be working the same type job but with 4th graders which makes him happy since they can mostly read and count!!! We are both looking forward to him getting back to work. He really misses being productive and being in a classroom is about the safest place for him to be productive! Maybe one day soon, Brad will feel well enough to sit at this computer and blog for himself. For now, Tami
June 6th, 2009 at 08:07pm
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Taking away a narcotics based cough medicine really did the trick. He came back to us yesterday at noon. He was much better already on Saturday morning, but Katie said while they were talking it was like a switch flipped and he was back to normal. Even in mid sentence! Weird, how your brain works. I am just slightly stressed by the class load and timing of this whole booster for Brad. Let’s just say in the next four weeks we will be extremely READY for a summer break. Thanks for praying, visiting, calling. We love you guys back just as much!!! Tami
May 31st, 2009 at 07:30am
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First I have to apologize. Last night’s post sounded way too cheery for the real situation that we find ourselves in today. Brad’s mental state has declined severly. I know…you are probably chuckling because that is what I would think too. But it isn’t funny. It is very scary to me and to Katie. This is the worst we have seen Brad ever. Maybe he has been like this immediately after a surgery when he was still loopy, but this loopy isn’t wearing off. His personality has changed too. He is very angry and is speaking to Katie and I in a manner that he has NEVER used. Tonight he thought Katie was a nurse for almost 2 hours. Now…to go back to my normal writing…. IF we were sitting around a big roaring campfire next to a rushing stream of water with all of our friends and had a ton of liquor-(yes, we are Baptist and don’t usually drink-but go with me on this story)and Brad was telling these same stories he has been telling all of us there tonight, then we would be rolling off the logs and camp chairs and even peeing a little in our pants we were laughing so hard. BUT….no liquor has been consumed. Drs. know, nurses know. They did an MRI at 9:30 tonight and we will hear about that tomorrow. They also took away some meds to see if that helps.
Here is where I need help. I am going back in to the Gifted and Talented classroom next year. I have seemed to avoid taking the four grad classes-yes ON TOP of my Masters-to get the certificate. Well…..not anymore. They caught on to my plan!!!! Anyway. I signed up for my first class since it was a great set up and I only had to be “in” class 5 times in one month and then do online work to get the first 3 hours marked off the list. Today was the first of the classes. So after the last Friday of the school year-no not last day-that is next Thursday,I left school immediately to drive and sit until 9 in my first class session. I also have to go Saturday morning from 8-12:30, so I won’t be able to be with Brad in the morning. Yes. I am writing this at 12:37 because Katie and I just left the hospital. I feel guilty because I am putting this class before being with Brad but we’ve already paid the $800 for this class and I can’t drop it now without it being an F! I have a 4.0 on my Masters and I am not failing now!
So for the prayer warriors among the readers and even for those who do something other than pray. We need help now. Brad is always so strong and positive. Please pray that this Brad comes back to us and this loopy version is just from something funky in the meds. We are not ready to lose this fight and not in this way. Please pray that if this is the end presented to us in some weird way that Katie and I are strong enough to handle it. We aren’t ready.
Thank you so much for being great friends. Help us through this time by praying and sending good thoughts. Tami
May 29th, 2009 at 11:44pm
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No…Brad didn’t do something to land himself in jail…just back in the hospital prison once again. Crazy fever this time. All of his fevers have sounded like Top 40’s radio station call numbers….104.3, 106.1, 103.7. I would like for him to get to the numbers in the 98.5 range that sound more like public talk radio call numbers. He is really messed up on time. This morning he texted me during the early morning of the school day asking what in the world I was doing. I replied…ummm…teaching. After another hour or so and some of the nurses doing some investigation work we found out that believed that it was 9:30 pm and that I hadn’t even bothered to come see him that day. Whatever. Of course, he has to pick one of the busiest weeks in a teacher’s life to pull this hospital stay. I have not seen home hardly at all this week. For those of you in the area, he could use some company. He is in room 684 at Baylor Irving. If you go you have to robe up, glove up and mask up but the “prep” room you go in before you go into Brad’s has all that stuff. Just don’t try to go in with a whole 12 pack of Dr. P. Mean male nurse hijacked that delivery today. He also tried to hijack the Ifratelli’s pizza going in but at least it was being delivered by my “mean” friend at school who doesn’t take crap from anyone. She told him…look…I can give it to him now or you can wait an hour for his wife to come up with the same exact pizza so what is the difference really? You go, Kristi!!
May 28th, 2009 at 10:05pm
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