I feel so badly when I look at the counter and see that faithfully there are different computers logging into the blog to see the updates. I cannot seem to find the time to let you know how life goes here in the Williams house! We have made it through all of the first major important dates that some people struggle with during the first year of their loved one’s passing. Typical Brad fashion says “Get it over with and done.” “Don’t waste time on being sad.” “Move on.” If you didn’t know him, he was pretty much just like that. Just get over it. So Katie and I had a few small moments but mostly have great memories to carry us through. We have had the chance to have lots of good talks and feel really ok with the way things had to happen. Part of this relief came from the dentist who pulled all four of Katie’s wisdom teeth out just hours before her father died. She had the benefit of major drugs to get her through the worst days. In hindsight, that was a blessing. She went back to the dentist the other day. Mentioned about her dad when he asked how recovery went. While she explained what happened, he, using his medical knowledge of what the events were that led to Brad’s death told her that bleeding out and freezing to death were the two most pleasant ways to die without trauma. He told her that Brad’s brain was lacking oxygen for probably many hours and he basically just felt weak and tired. Then just went after the coughing episode when they knew something was really wrong. That made both of us feel better. Even if it wasn’t the way it went, it still made us feel a little relieved to know.
Silence doesn’t equal sadness but it does equal being crazy busy. Snow has been the craziest part of this holiday break. We don’t EVER have snow. Now it seems like we have it once a week! So much for global warming. Our house redos are coming along very nicely. Katie and I went to IKEA to purchase the new cabinets for the kitchen. We are right on track with our timing. Last spring when Brad was “recovering” I took him to IKEA in Houstson just because it was a place we could walk around. We both found a kitchen set up that we loved. He said by Christmas we should have this kitchen in our house. Well…we are just a few weeks behind his schedule but feel like we are doing something that he totally approves of. It is nice to know that he saw it and had a say in it because it makes it feel like I am doing something with him instead of without him.
Car issues- Junky truck inspected. Lights fixed in about 3 minutes. WOW…when guys know what they are doing it sure is a nice thing! Not that Brad wouldn’t have known…but it would have been a long day of figuring it out, a big mess, the dashboard ripped off and in the yard, etc. He wasn’t the neatest of workers!!! One car sold!!! Another car going to be gone by this weekend. Now we are just down to three, oh…and that danged motorcycle is still here!!
I will be ready for school to start on Monday so I can get some rest. Lots of my to do list is done. There isn’t a graduate class for me to take this spring…yeah! So I might actually have a chance to use my new Air Climber and get myself into shape. It kicked my butt…well actually my thighs last night. Obviously I am going to have to “work up” to a full workout. I couldn’t even go 2 minutes at a time. Man…I am out of shape. Now it is time to take care of me.
December 30th, 2009 at 08:48am
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Sorry, I have been delayed in blogging due to technical difficulties. This blog has some crazy set of letters for a sign on and my keyboard had to be replaced before I could type again. Then I kept having renovations done so the computer kept getting moved each day!!! Finally, Katie put it in my bedroom on the floor so I could get on line to catch up but it is really uncomfortable to sit here very long. I guess if I moved it to my bed I could just stay on line all night long! The room where the computer usually is located is being tiled and doors removed and moved. It is already looking great and it isn’t even 50% done!
I had my first really big cry the other day when the insurance check came in. I guess it was like the final thing even though it really isn’t. I was shocked by my reaction. The amount certainly would be worth not having if I could trade it for Brad. Not cancer Brad, but happy healthy Brad.
Katie and I have kept busy so it is making the season easy enough so far. We will see how Friday goes. I made it through the birthday. Tomorrow would have been our 26th anniversary. He was supposed to make it up to me since last year we were in the hospital preparing for the stem cell transplant for our 25th. G1163 WAS a corner room that provided room service and the price was that of a REALLY fancy botique hotel on the top floor! The very first week we knew about the cancer I remember asking God to let him live until we had 25 years under our belts. Hmmm….I should have asked for 50! For some reason that 25 mark seemed like a lifetime away at that time. I remember thinking how great that would be if we celebrated our 25th. I guess we did. I think he let me order something special off the room service menu even though he had to pay for my meal!! Sounds like Brad huh??? I loved that man for almost 27 years of my life. I wouldn’t trade one single day. Well….maybe that one day in 85 when I got my hair cut really short and he wouldnt talk to me.
December 22nd, 2009 at 09:28pm
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Today would have been Brad’s 48th birthday. Lots of people have called and emailed and texted their good wishes. Most sound a little jealous of the party he is having this year. Brad hated parties especially those for him. I guess in Heaven you don’t get to tell God you don’t wish to have a party. I wonder how that went over with Brad! Today I gave the staff at our school each a Dr. Pepper with the task of drinking it to honor Brad’s birthday. I had to buy 4 cases of DP the other night. The checkout lady looked at me sorta funny and I said…giving them away. She said she thought I was having a crisis. Little did she know but my crisis came a little more than a month ago.
Figured out the online bill pay!!! YEAH…. I pays to finally get to the right person who in about 30 seconds tells you what to do. Why can’t you get to that person with your first 50 phone calls???
School countdown is 4!!! YES 4!!! That is sooooo motivating. Let’s get her done! I think I can make it…I don’t know about my kids. It is amazing how they act around this time of year….no brain cells are currently functioning.
Getting some stuff done around the house. Got the driveway leveled out instead of the canyon which used to be our entrance. It was done pretty quickly. I think if Brad had had any idea it could be done so quickly he would have had that done last August when we moved in! Back room is coming along with door removal and tiling. It is going to look good. I learned how to put the battery charger on Brad’s truck to keep it running and it worked. I didn’t blow anything up. Took the truck for inspection that was due in Oct…a little bit going on that month and the next…..It didn’t pass. It needs a switch that is working for the high beam lights…really? I told the guy I only needed to drive it to Lowes and Home Depot and I promised not to go in the pitch black of night but no go. Now I gotta get that danged truck fixed.
I have plenty to do to keep me busy. Just need school to let out so I can get started!!!
December 14th, 2009 at 11:14pm
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Yep…that’s the school day countdown!! Woo-hoo! I am ready for this break, but I have lots to get done. My backyard neighbor and I made a plan to have a chainsaw party. There are some scraggly trees and branches that need to be cleared from the back part of my yard. He and I met at the fence for me to see his new adorable baby goat and made the plan to teach me the fine art of using our chainsaw!!! Last night Santa and Mrs. Claus came by the house with a nice treat of candy and some GREEN stuff in a jar. (Really…I am not kidding!) Friday night, I went with Katie to her school party and then onto a biker bar with some of her teacher friends. Really…I am not kidding! As you can see there is hardly a dull moment at the house lately.
Found out about the house payment today….seems that we are on a biweekly payment plan which explains why I never saw that amount coming out once a month. But I don’t get why I didn’t pay attention to the half amount coming out twice a month!! I hope I get this down or it could get bad!!! Katie signed up for her second to last semester of classes yesterday. This means if all goes well and as planned she will be out by August and ready to get a big girl teaching job. Yee haw!
I am missing Brad but feeling more and more like an old version of myself. Not old but as in how I used to feel before cancer struck. Well..maybe old…picked up my no line bifocal glasses today…that’s a trip to try to walk in those the first time. Literally.
December 7th, 2009 at 09:05pm
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Autopsy report came back. Brad had no evidence of cancer anywhere in his body!
As the nurses said who called to tell me the news. He got what he wanted out of this whole ordeal which was to not let cancer be the thing that took him out of this world. I said God was trying to take him a few years ago, gave him this rare aggresive cancer that they kept trying to fix so He just had to take him out with something that He knew MDAnderson couldn’t fix! I know Brad just jumped up and down when he found out at the gate that he was cancer free.
Had a first awkward moment the other day. My cell phone rang, I answered and the guy on the other end asked to speak with Brad. We haven’t had a home phone for the past 3 years so to hear someone on my own cell phone number asking for Brad was unusual but at this point really so. My gut reaction was to say he wasn’t available. So the guy said do you know when he willbe available. I said-Never. Ok….probably not the best thing to say but remember I was still a little in shock. I recovered nicely and explained what I meant but then the poor guy just stumbled all over himself trying to apologize and all. Oh well….lesson learned. I gotta be nicer on the phone.
Still working on the bills. Found that taking them two at a time is easier than looking at the whole pile. Messed up the online banking of course…Brad is just shaking his head at me. Somehow I lost all the info on the bills that are paid electronically or something. The house payment is getting made but I don’t know where from? This is my next puzzle to figure out. If you are making my housepayment would you please email me so I know this is why I can’t find out where it is coming from???? I think by Christmas break I will have this all sorted out and get a two week chance to organize myself into a pretty good system.
Thanks for sending emails, cards, food, cash…housepayments? It is all very much appreciated. Sunday will be one month exactly. It seems like it has already been 3 months at times and then I still think that I just left him in Houston and I need to get back there and pick him up.
December 2nd, 2009 at 09:40pm
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